thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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