Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm both gender and math confused
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
