THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
