I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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