in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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