Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
