Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
