I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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