We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
