i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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