yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
