I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
