currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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