It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
