Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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