i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have feelings that need drinking.
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