dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
