tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
