So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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