I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
