Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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