Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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