My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
