those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
