1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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