mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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