So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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