Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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