When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just invented taco cereal.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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