yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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