I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
