i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
