Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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