I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
