Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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