He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
