Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
