Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize