By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
