Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
