hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
