anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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