I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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