YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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