just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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