i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize