Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
