Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
FUCK WHALES
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
