I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
