Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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