you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
did i just pee glitter
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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