my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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