Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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