Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no, he came in my armpit
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
