did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
