Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
