No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
