I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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