gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
