The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
