WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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