I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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