like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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