I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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