Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
