now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
