is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
