And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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