so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
