oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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