Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
